Come then my Soul Thou restless Exile come,
Suspend a while thy Languishings for Home,
With back cast Eye the Maze of Life explore,
An Age of Misery that returns no more,
Lose thy incumbent Sufferings in the Past,
And calmly wait the Hour that brings the Last.
Scarce had the Morn of op’ning Life began,
When young in [devious Paths] of Ill I ran
From Parents I with fatal Haste remov’d
Unseiz’d for GOD thro’ Nature’s Wilds I rov’d;
Where Vice with learning mask’d the Youth drink in,
And Babel’s Curse is taught and Babel’s Sin,
Where Reverend Sires their Labours well employ
To Principle with Pride th’ aspiring Boy:
Eager he hears, pursues the glorious Goal,
And Emulation poisons all his Soul.
Here first I learnt to catch an empty Name,
To idolize Esteem and covet Fame,
My own Renown on Others’ fall to raise,
And gasp insatiate for destractive Praise.
Still in my inmost Soul the Fiend I find
To Vanity’s eternal Bonds consign’d;
Still in my inmost Soul the Demon reigns,
And holds me captive in a D[emon’s] Chains;
Thro’ all my Thoughts and Words his Course pursues,
Steals on my Verse and desecrates my Muse.
From [Follies well descried] would rise to Fame,
And glories in my aptly pictur’d Shame.
Farther yet farther from eternal Truth,
Full of the heady Violence of Youth,
O’re pleasing Paths of various Vice I stray’d,
As Lust impell’d me or as Fancy sway’d.
Charm’d by the sweetly warbling wanton Lyre,
I catch the Pagan’s with the Poet’s Fire,
Or gaze on thundring fornicating Jove,
Or loosely range thro’ all the Art of Love:
Deep sinks the Poison in my tender Mind,
Nor Help from vain Mythology I find,
While Sins the latter’s nearer Influence fills,
And Memory holds it in her d[amn’d] Seals.
Neglected lay th’ unkindled Spark within,
Nor ever struggles with congenial Sin:
Careless my Soul slips on in Nature’s Night,
Unfelt the Darkness and unmist the Light;
Ignobly sepulchr’d in Flesh remains,
Nor knows its fall from GOD nor feels its Chains,
Nor tames the Void, nor stirs the quick’ning Breath,
But all is silent, calm and cold as Death.
Who then shall say whence second Life began,
Who deign’d this Prospect of the heavenly Man?
Unconscious of my Change I never knew
To fix the Point from whence the Spirit blew,
So imperceptibly the Stroke was given
The Power divine that turn’d my Face to Heaven.
Sudden o’recome and plung’d in vast Delight,
Eager I seem’d to grasp the Infinite!
With strange Expansion swell’d my ravish’d Breast
And glow’d to full impress th’ enticed Guest:
Forever here I deem’d it good to stay
Where florets fair bestrow’d the narrow Way,
The narrow Way with heedless Joy I trod,
And gave my fond unwary Heart to GOD.
Scarce had my Soul fix’d her directer Eye,
And aim’d at Heaven, and vow’d to scale the Sky,
When dire commenc’d the latent War within,
And feeble Nature felt awakening Sin.
Strong in ten thousand Lusts the Tyrant rose
And storm’d my Bosom with ten thousand Foes,
O’retook my Flight, mock’d my Resistance vain,
Subdu’d and gall’d me with an Iron Chain,
Refus’d omnipotent to set me free,
And thought and acted, reign’d and liv’d in me.
Nor yet retir’d the Principle divine,
Nor quite forgot th’ ethereal Spark to shine,
Quicken’d by these I still renew’d the Strife,
And groan’d for GOD, and strugling long’d for Life:
Constrain’d to yield, yet strengthen’d to rebel,
Oft with alternate Pangs I rose and fell,
Sunk and resisted in unequal Fight,
Th’ indigent Slave of grovelling Appetite.
Stronger at length the heavenly Instinct grew,
And just Despair brought infinite Hope in view:
I own’d that in my Flesh Sin only liv’d,
And Death’s sad Sentence in myself receiv’d.
By strong Temptation suffer’d to respire
Then first I felt relax’d the plaguing Fire,
Then in my humbled Soul the Woman’s Seed
Victorious woke and bruis’d the Serpent’s Head,
Bade inbred Sin its cruel Power suspend,
And in a Moment’s Peace th’ internal Conflict end.
But O how short my Interval of Woe,
How fierce the Pangs I next am doom’d to know;
Pleas’d with the Calm as down I sunk to rest,
Nor fill’d with Life divine my vacant Breast,
In stronger Gusts a mightier Tempest rose
(In vain would Flight avoid or Force oppose
Nor wish’d I to resist, nor car’d to fly)
It spreads, it mounts and gains upon the Sky;
Headlong I fell by Passion’s Whirlwind driv’n
Swept from the Margin of remoter Heav’n,
Down to profoundest Hell my Hopes it hurl’d,
Tore me from GOD, and interpos’d a World!

O what avail’d it that from Sins got free,
I gain’d a scarcely tasted Liberty!
In vain does Appetite her Web remove,
Severest (?) Change of Punishment I prove
More surely chasten’d by the Scorpion Love.

Distant at first my Danger I survey,
Now idly with the nearer Ruin play;
Refusing now the pleasing Bane to shun,
I sink, I yield deliberately undone,
Gladly deceiv’d and sensibly betray’d
While sweetly listening smil’d the docile Maid,
Wisely admir’d the Poet’s sacred Song,
And caught the Counsel falling from my Tongue.

Nor yet would treacherous Reason’s timely Care
The unstill’d Mischief from my Bosom tear,
My Bosom soon by Reason self thrown wide
Receiv’d the vile Affection’s total (?) Tide;
Fed by the Stream of fond Benevolence,
And swiftly rising with the Torrent sense,
Resistless now th’ impetuous Waters roll,
O’erpass their Bounds and deluge all my Soul.

But O could Longing paint the deep Distress,
The idolizing Passion’s just excess!
Description flags, the languid Colours fail—
Cease then thy labour Muse, and draw the Veil—
No! be the Veil forever cast aside,
May no false Art the genuine Maiden hide,
Forever stand expos’d my fond Design
T’ augment the Plenitude of Love divine,
To swell th’ essential, all-sufficient Bliss
With the poor Drop of creature Happiness.
Hear ye Adulterers my warning Call,
Who low before your Maker’s Image fall,
With caution’d (?) Soul the gradual Tale pursue
Of one that languish’d, griev’d, and lov’d like you;
A God behind the Infinite requir’d;
Attend and mark the Rock where shipwreck’d Faith expir’d.
Vainly at first my labouring Bosom strove
To heed the Pain of unsuspected Love,
The sad Discovery lingring I delay’d
Lest shy Reserve should arm the alter’d Maid,
The Lover manifest supplant the Friend,
And Friendship’s Offices in coldness end.
Scarce could my rising Griefs at last prevail,
Or wild Despair extort the written Tale,
Scarce could my trembling Hand perform its Part
And give the Token of my pleading Heart.
Guiltless she read: I mark’d her conscious Eyes,
Eager I saw the flutt’ring Spirits (?) rise:
Soon the fair Prophetess my Anguish guess’d,
Sudden broke off, and fear’d to read the Rest,
Gently refus’d the full (?) Case to explore
“I dare pursue your fatal (?) Tale no more”
She sigh’d and sigh’d: I begg’d and urg’d in vain;
Compell’d at last th’ unfinish’d Lines t’ explain,
Hardly I spoke, with doting (?) Transport mov’d;
And blush’d; and wondring told her that I lov’d!

Who then can paint her soft confus’d Distress,
Her sweet Surprise and pitying Tenderness!
The lovely Soul transparent from within
In every Motion, Word, and Look was seen.
With kindest Sympathy for me she griev’d,
For me she wept “Unhappily deceiv’d,
To think so mean a Creature worth my Care,
To prize or love or ever sigh for her!
Rather she hop’d my Soul from Passion free
Miscall’d its own exalted Charity,
A generous Warmth mistook for low Desire,
And only glow’d with Friendship’s heavenly Fire.”

Mistaken Comforter! could Tears remove,
Could soft Compassion’s Balm extinguish Love?
Her good Concern increas’d my tender Care,
And check’d and combated my just Despair.
Restless I follow’d the relenting Maid,
Call’d Tears and Sighs and Letters to my Aid,
In softest Accents prov’d my growing Flame,
And weeping kiss’d the lov’d Arpasia’s Name.

Nor long enjoy’d my Soul the pure Relief
Of patient Love and calmly pensive Grief;
Rous’d by fierce Jealousy’s corroding Smart,
And all its Vipers fast’ning on my Heart,
The helpless Maid I saw with blasted Eyes,
By kindred Hands dragg’d out to sacrifice;
Ar[pasia] sentenc’d to be vilely sold
Ar[pasia]’s Happiness exchang’d for Gold.
In horrid League the venal Tribe combin’d
With lust of Wealth to taint her purer Mind,
Prepar’d the only Good themselves desir’d,
By Avarice they and curst Ambition fir’d:
Ungenerously they urg’d their dear Pretence
“Kind Guardians of her Orphan Innocence,
The proffer’d (?) Benefit she needs must own,
Requite their Care, and yield to be undone.”

In vain her Tears their Pity strove t’ engage,
In vain she started from obtruded Age,
Trembling renew’d her oft-rejected Plea
Th’ eternal Bar of fixt Antipathy,
Which scarcely could his irksome Form behold
Tho’ Wealth had touch’d their Lover into Gold.
Basely they bore her weak Resistance down,
And specious Friendship help’d the Ruin on;
{trs} {d} {t} {w.s} torment good (?) prevail’d,
Bound to their Force the feeble Victim fail’d;
Yielding she sunk, to worse than Death pursu’d;
O strange Excess of fatal Gratitude!
Love, only Love their Purpose dar’d t’ oppose, [
A single Succour ’gainst a World of Foes.
Inspir’d by Love I started to her Aid,
I flew to rescue the devoted Maid,
’Twixt Fate and her resolv’d to stand alone,
And guard a Safety dearer than my own.
I begg’d her stay conjur’d herself to spare,
With all the labouring Vehemence of Prayer.
I warn’d her and encourag’d by my Fears,
Arm’d her with Groans and fortified with Tears.
Oft as she mark’d my heaving Bosom rise,
And genuine Sorrow bursting from my Eyes,
She gently sooth’d my wildly frantic Grief,
And prest my trembling Hand and sigh’d Relief:
To comfort me resolv’d her Fate to shun,
Nor yet consent, nor haste to be undone.
Again she strove by generous Pity still’d,
And dar’d her Kinsmen’s Rage and scorn’d to yield;
Her generous Pity stopp’d the dire Decree,
And sav’d the Victim but it ruin’d me.
Could Friendship self so deep concern express,
So strange an Height of melting Tenderness!
Surely she wept by more than Friendship mov’d,
Surely I deem’d th’ infected Virgin lov’d.
Fir’d with the Thought I chid my hasty Fears,
Again gave up my Heart, and hop’d for hers,
Hop’d the dear Maid would feel an answering Care,
And watch’d her artless Soul to find it there.

Once as her Innocence I warmly prest
To own my tender Interest in her Breast,
To grant the only Bliss I liv’d to prove,
Some small Return for all my Waste of Love—
She sigh’d, she blush’d—confess’d my Passion true:
“The worthless Love you ask is all your Due,
Yet O,” she cried, “in vain you claim a Part,
Too late you claim it—I have lost my Heart!”
Here if Thou dar’st severe Remembrance tell
What more than Tortures did my Bosom feel!
What more than Fires or Racks did I sustain,
What sad Vicissitude of smarting Pain!
How oft my strugling Spirit groan’d to bear
The strong Confliction of extreme Despair!
How oft with sense of softer Anguish mov’d
For her I wept and trembl’d, pray’d and lov’d!
How oft to lonesome Woods in fancy ran
And hid me from the hated Sight of Man;
How oft impatient of continu’d Breath,
Idly I call’d, and rav’d, and gasp’d for Death!
To catch her feeling Soul would Life resign,
Rush to the Grave and die to call her mine,
As if to me by Fate would soon be given
First to assert Propriety in Heaven!
When thus my Bosom torn by raging Love
Had long with the remorseless Passion strove,
At length I yielded all; at length gave o’re
The Contest vain and combated no more,
But madly sunk beneath th’ unequal Load
Disclaim’d my Reason, and threw off my GOD.
No longer now my drooping Hands I rear,
Or force my stubborn Heart to irksome Prayer,
Toward the celestial Prize no longer press,
Plung’d in the Gulf of gloomy Recklessness:
My Calling’s Hope indigent I resign,
A willing Alien from the Life divine,
While down the Stream of headlong Nature driven
Nor Earth I wish’d to hold nor aim’d at Heaven;
While from my Centre loos’d, and dead within,
I only tend and move and live to sin,
So dear th’ Effect of an abandon’d Will,
So deep the fatal Curse of Passion’s utmost Ill!
Why then to Heaven do I desire to bow,
Why deprecate th’ Almighty’s Anger now?
Whence this imperfect Wish my Sin to mourn,
These faint Endeavourings toward a full Return?
Still can Remorse this flinty Bosom move?
O wondrous Proof of unexhausted Love!
O Saviour, once again to Thee I call,
Bring back my Struglings and retrieve my Fall!
If Prayer can yet find favour in thy Sight,
And stop thy Spirit’s everlasting Flight,
Regard ev’n Man, forget the Outrage past,
Accept my Groans, or let me breathe the Last.
If while this Principle for Thee remains
Clogg’d and entangl’d in corporeal Chains,
It haply be thy Will to make me free
Rais’d to thy Children’s glorious Liberty,
From now triumphant King thy Ties controul,
And plant thine Interest in my newborn Soul,
Thro’ all its Pores renew’d from now appear,
From instant now set up thy Kingdom here,
Thy hidden Sweetness give my Heart to know
And taste the Eden of thy Love below.
But if thy sovereign Will, severe yet just
Still leaves me dark and humbl’d in the Dust,
There let me bless thy just severe Decree,
And in thy (?) secret Tongues belong to Thee!
Disgust of Life no more my Eye repine,
But bear my Nature till exchang’d for thine;
In calm Despair live out my wretched Span,
Nor once depart, or strugle with my Pain.
No—let me never to thy Creatures flee,
Or seek or taste a Joy distinct from Thee.
Tho’ still condemn’d to mourn my Eden’s Loss,
Uncheer’d my Grief uncomforted my Cross,
Yet grant me Strength to bear the penal Load,
To want, and ever wail my absent GOD.
So when thy Waves and Storms are all pass’d o’re,
When Pain torments and Guilt distracts no more
Let my Eye find in Thee my long-sought Heaven
My Warfare ended and my Sin forgiven;
Be Thou my all my final Passion Thou,
Of this secur’d I live—I welcome Judgment now.